The truth about the Declaration of Independence

It was the fourth of July 1776 and the English troop ships had just been sighted off the coast of New York. We were meeting in Philadelphia but New York was not that far away. For what seemed like weeks the delegates had been debating the Declaration of Independence and how to 'clean it up' by arguing over what words to change. One delegate even demanded that one 'the' be changed to an 'a' but three others thought that this particular 'the' needed to stay a 'the' and not be changed to an 'a'. And so it went on and on. It would have gone on forever if someone didn't step up and stop the bickering.

It was looking like I was going to be climbing the gallows steps by myself for writing the Declaration of Independence while all the other delegates looked on. It seemed that my neck alone was to be stretched by the English rope for having started it all.

What you got were pretty paintings like this one (right) of a group of sedate and older than they were, at the time, forefathers..

You also got some mostly absurd quotes as well.

'John Hancock, President of the Second Continental Congress, warned the delegates, "There must be no pulling different ways: we must all hang together."

Benjamin Franklin, Philadelphia's legendary wit, is said to have added, "We must indeed all hang together, or most assuredly we will all hang separately."'

These and all the other 'quotes' you got are misquotes. (Misquotes are lies that people like to hear.) They were made up much later. The fear that was created by the arrival of the first English troop ships prevented any such calm that would in turn would have allowed the invention of such creative statements as Ben's immediate and snappy comeback. Christ sakes at any second cannon balls from English ships might have come crashing through the walls and killed us all.

See the map at the right which shows how the hall we were in was a very dangerous half mile independencehallfrom where the English ships could have easily fired from at any time. Or bring up this 19th century panorama from the steeple showing the river in the background.

In fact four 'man of hallwars' could have sailed up the river at any time and simultaneously fired a 240 cannon balls broadside into independence hall with it's impossible to miss 5 story tall bell tower and reduced it completely to rubble. Why they didn't kill us all right then and there I have no idea. Truthfuly it was just an indication of the lack of intelligence of their leaders which if you really got down to it then it was the stupidity of the leaders of the British which was causing us to rebel in the first place.

Gosh, the thought of that possibility still sickens me as it did then. It's been 230 years, how long does it take to get over things like this? Anyone who has been in war know exactly how I feel.


Those dangerous times simply did not support such prose. The misquotes also used some words that were only used by English aristocrats. Any one who spoke like them were unceremoniously booted back to England or to Canada. Also, a couple of these words were simply not used at the time. The problem probably stems from the language of the English court which is how the Constitution was exclusively written. Ben Franklin did not talk like that at all. Read Poor Richard's Almanac for examples of the style of language that he used or read on for an excellent example.

What Ben Franklin said was much more direct and to the point. Ben bellowed out in his oversized voice 'Fuck it, we are all going to sign'. And then one of the northern delegates said something to the effect, 'If anyone doesn't sign this paper the way it is then he is a Tory and a spy. He will never make it out of this room to tell the enemy our names.'

Another five delegates half drew their swords and two moved to block the door so that everyone immediately signed it.

Basically the signing was like this misprinted stamp of the signing (left or a larger version here). What you got was totally upside down and the opposite of what happened. So you learned the same B.S. that was sent to England.

The picture on the right is fairly accurate except that it was also the opposite. I was the one sitting at the table and then every hour Ben would come by, pickup what I had written. Then he would go across the room to sit down to read it. I'd dread it when he came back and made comments like a college professor or reached over for the pen but most of all I hated it when he suggested an addition. Usually it was a witticism which belonged in the Farmers Almanac, not in the document I was writing.

Waiting for days on end to hear his throat clear to get my attention like one of my former professors just to look up and see his stern face would jolt me back to this world faster than anything else could. These interruptions had the same effect on me as probably when you are making love with your girlfriend and she calls you by her previous boyfriend's name. Ben's additions left me upset about probably the very same things that your girlfriend calling you by her former boyfriends name does.

What do I mean? For instance, I wondered whether I should continue and just how important it really was. Also I couldn't stop at the time to consider these questions. And like you probably did, afterwards I wondered for a very long time about the explanation that I was given as a reason and you know durn well that I didn't believe the explanation for even one minute.

I had thought about how to write the Declaration of Independence for three years and according to almost all logical thought processes a revolution could not be rationalized. No colony of any country had successfully revolted and gained independence from any European power and England was the greatest of those powers. She had huge resources of men, ships and machines. So there was no other way to write the Declaration of Independence than to mimic the style of Shakespeare (and parts of the New Testament that had little logic but in fact seemed to work quite well). So I threw out logic completely and turned 100% to emotions.

I also decided to use the style of the world's greatest symphonies and a few great novels..

What I am going to share with you is not a repeat of old information about the meaning of each of the lines in the Declaration of Independence. I have been there and done that so please go to the library for such banal and false information.

I'm going to share with you the secrets of how I actually made the Declaration of Independence hot. Then you can apply this style to your own declaration or even to love letters.

You will see this next on the detailed page. Notice how the words build an emotional tension? Then the subtopic ends. Then there is break. The emotional charge and tension remains. Then a new subtopic starts but the charge of emotion picks up from where it left off and builds stepwise. It does this sequence three times and then abruptly transforms. It becomes a series of short hard and direct thrusting statements which climax in a crescendo of orgasmic spurts of pain, anguish and rage.

The Declaration of Independence is sex, pure and simple.

This was my intention but then Ben asked to put in two witty speeches (see the detailed page) and that ruined the effect that I was trying to achieve.

It should be clear to you now that the United States is powerful because it has a highly sexually charged nature integrated deeply into it's very beginning.

The above painting is also realistic for a second reason. The room looks a lot like mine does now in terms of cleanliness or lack of it. I used to have five servants that cleaned up after me and kept things picked up. They were too sickly to work in the field in the hot summer but the policy was that we all worked. So I had to make work for them in the form of messes. That way they didn't feel unneeded.

(The original Declaration of Independence was signed by all participants but I think it was burned by the English in The War of 1812. When copies were printed on July 4, 1776 the signatures were not included so that we could literally get out of town quickly without getting killed. As soon as the evil English found out they would be looking for us and offering rewards. Once people read the declaration they would support it and protect us but until they read it and thought it over, which took about two months, we had to keep our names a secret. Officially it was signed in August. It's seems to be always that way with us. The unconsciously evil as well as those who know they are evil go all out to stop us protectors of all things good long before the good people realize what we have to offer them and that we are indeed there to help them.)

With all the changes (as seen here) and the debates on July 4, 1776 there would have obviously been about four 'nays' and about five abstaining if they hadn't been forced at sword point into all voting 'yea' concerning that durn piece of parchment.

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2003-8 John Pinil